In the veins of women, instead of blood flows poison

(Old painting of mine. It has it good- and downsides... Educational project never the less. Copyrights mine.)

Not really true to say that about women in generally, but some are quite poisonous. And this time I don't even mean just my ex, but some other females I know.

And I also have few irreplaceable women in my life, who have a heart of pure gold. The poison bite comes from all kinds of people. I just found it interesting, that my last - unfinished - painting was about Medusa. As if an omen of things to come.


And the other poisonous people have raised their Hydra-like heads after a long silence. I hope they keep their usual distance for I do not care for their company. 

I need to concentrate on creating a life for myself. Stay away from the people who turn wine into ash in my mouth. I'm sure some people know what kind of people I mean.

(Old painting of mine. It has it good- and downsides... Educational project never the less. Copyrights mine.)

"Justice may have once been blind, But now she can see, She just lost her mind, So we put her away"

(Copyrights belong to me)

Perhaps the unfulfilled need to be loved makes me feel like I am a bad person somehow. I don't even know how I would be a bad person, but I've always been able to relate myself with the villains rather than heroes. Only because of this feeling of being no-good, unlovable, somehow not like anyone else for always being secluded from life. 
People telling me that I'm good doesn't really seem to have any effect on this way of thinking.

It seems that I am doomed to live with this false shadow over my head. I hope it remains false, that I won't make it reality since of my lack of respect towards my own being. I cannot ever fully like myself as long as I'm being disliked by people for just being who I am, the way I was born, by the people who raised me and the choices and mistakes I've done.
I always found it to be unfair, that for example my ex's father seemed to more or less secretly despise me although I never did anything bad to him, nor his daughter. It can be exhausting to be hated for just being alive.

*

(Copyrights belong to me)

That ends the thoughts of today.

Now after my window-painting I've directed my attention to the roof. I've been planning some kind of easily removable roof-painting. Some kind of astrological map of stars. Maybe in the weekend I can start planning.

The scent of flowers in the air

Warm breeze blows through my fingers, the sound of wind rustling through the leafs and I feel at peace.

*

(Copyrights belong to me)

I passed the first part of the entrance exam but there's still another different kind of test, which I need to pass. If I don't pass it, I'm going to try save up some money so I could finally go travel abroad. Well, I use the word "travel" though I probably can afford to visit one place for one weekend. Still it is something I'd like to experience at least once before I die. And at this rate I'm more likely to pass away before getting anywhere out in the world.

Like I have written sometime before, my family has always been poor. And since I started living by myself I also have led a life of a poor man. Of course now that I am employed I have had some money to spent, but the amounts you'd need to go abroad I'd never get. Now I have to save up a whole year, but it will be my consolence prize. I am going to be devastated for not getting into the university, yet I will keep on trying. Perhaps rewarding myself will help me to get over the sadness I'm going to be feeling after less than two months. I will write about that then.

*

And here's something ridiculously interesting for those, who enjoy ridiculously interesting things.

The Full Circle

I will post a better photo after I've finished the painting. But here is is at the moment - almost done, yet i might add some other colours to it and I need to repaint more layers so that the colours would get more vivid and intense. They are quite transparent that's why they are not strong and need more layers. Also I might fix few problems, like the circles lack of roundness. It is quite challenging to paint with special window-paint.

(My window, my design, my copyrights)

I had to paint the whole thing straight onto the window without any plans, so there are some anatomical errors there, but it is for my window, so who cares. I don't. I guess the only way to draw the plans first would need some kind of ink-pen that can be erased with some alcohol-type of liquid. I just draw straight on. 

Started with the simple shapes and line by line went from there. I suggest that if you're not confident enough you should find a way to plan before executing the painting. It's easy to scratch the paint off, but that also means that you are wasting paint.
I bought this paint from Finnish online-shop Sinelli. It was quite cheap paint and it had the main colours for window-painting, like in the windows of gothic churches, like blue, yellow, red, black and ready green.