"May the Night Mother wrap you in her cold, loving embrace"

(Copyrights of these pictures belong to Elder Scroll franchise)

To get the taste of summer as the autumn descents, I've once again taken the old, old project of mine under way: The Elder Scrolls Oblivion IV.

The first time I heard about this game, was several years ago. My elder brother told me about a game, that had a wide world filled with realistic never-ending adventure. You could just run through a forest and hunt a deer or climb a high hill to bask in the breathtaking scenery.

Also there was monsters, beasts, bandits lurking in the forest and roads and old ancient ruins. If you're the kind of person who doesn't frown upon fantasy-adventures, you will like this game. Otherwise you might have to skip this whole post. Just enjoy the pictures.

As much as the adventure of a wide, wide world means to me, and the freedom of doing whatever I want to do, whenever I want, there's the downsides to Oblivion. But since every adventure has its merits and appeal at the very first time, I won't talk about the things that start to really pick your nerves after you have started the game several times, got stuck into doing way too many quests, until you start to get tired, and you're still not making any progress to play the game to the end.

Some things that also appeal to me, are the deism and the history in the Tamriel. I've always liked the idea of ancient civilization, that has remained mostly a mystery; the people in it, the stories the answers to all the questions as for what happened to the civilization, what was its downfall.

And if you like to choose a character, who's not your average mage, nor a warrior, you can always choose the path of the night, and join the Dark Brotherhood, to find the meaning of the game through poison and deceit.

"We will go no further - Here starts the Land of Phantoms"

Why I chose three pictures about monsters? Dating-life makes me feel like a monster. Not that I am a monster by personality or by my appearance, but it is quite difficult to find someone who would find me interesting enough.

That's not a complaint. That's just an observation based on facts.

And also all my love-affairs have ended tragically for me. Damsel's do not share love with me. It's always me. It's always onesided. And now I feel like I'm complaining. So I will stop.

*

Ill Luck - Charles Baudelaire

This heavy burden to uplift,

O Sysiphus, thy pluck is required!

And even though the heart aspired,

Art is long and Time is swift.

Afar from sepulchres renowned,

To a graveyard, quite apart,

Like a broken drum, my heart,

Beats the funeral marches' sound.

Many a buried jewel sleeps

In the long-forgotten deeps,

Far from mattock and from sound;

Many a flower wafts aloft

Its perfumes, like a secret soft,

Within the solitudes, profound.

When the wolves howl their song to children of the twilight

(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)

After my medication kicked in, I started to feel normal and just simply better.

The usual day to day thoughts don't haunt me no more.

I don't even mind being by myself. I usually don't mind it. Never have. I've grown accustomed to it.
Never known anything else at least not since my childhood and youth when I was surrounded by my family and friends. But the older I got, the more I was supposed to rely on myself as everyone else did and moved on with their lives.
At times I do wonder what it might be like to live in the kind of culture, where family is close, and several generations inhabit the same house.
Sometimes I do wonder about things like that.

The melancholy loneliness, that I suffer severely when the medication doesn't work, is like the feeling you got when you were a child, and you woke up from a nightmare in the night or early dusk, and you wondered with your child mind in the dead silent home, if everyone in the world has vanished, and you were all alone in the world. And you are stuck in this twilight time, between night and dawn, and there's not a soul to be found - only you.

September sun sets for the long winter night

(Watercolour work by me, and copyrights also belong to yours truly)

And so the colours of the trees keep changing. It's officially autumn now as the month changed into autumn-months.

And as the month changed I also got the first autumn-flu. I don't get sick often, so I guess it's better to get this over with.

Soon those huge cloud-mountains turn into a white-grey blanket over the blue sky, and the next months will be filled with rain and snow. Good things also come with the fall and winter, like starlit night and brighter moonshine, cold bright mornings, and rain in the night and the very first snow.