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Been seeing sexual dreams lately which amuses me. All in good taste though - and have to mention not involving me in anyway. Perhaps too much Bioware?
Also couple dreams about my ex as if to say that it is never over. Those now almost unreal memories will haunt me forever like some monsters from a nightmare. A year is at the same time really long and really short period of time.
No interest in life. I rather play games and forget that there's a household to run and things to do and promises to keep. I just don't want to do anything. And my obligations are tormenting me. I wanted to do certain things, I wouldn't otherwise promised to do them if I wouldn't have wanted, but I can't seem to find the will to do them. Odd and complicated. And distressing.
(Copyrights mine) I also wanted to write something with an actual subject, but now that I am sitting here, I find myself unwilling to write about the subject. I do not know why. Perhaps writing would force me to think and deal with the subject and difficult and painful things are not in my to-do-list at the moment. Thus I play games to surround myself with other worlds and other plots other than my own life. It does help with the anxiety that seems to be increasing.
(Copyrights mine)Two of the last falls have been difficult so I'm not sure what to expect of this year. It might not be quite as horrible this time, but there's still many things gnawing at me. I am getting older and I have achieved nothing and there's not really anything to expect from the future. These are the things I hope to discuss in my therapy - that has been on a break for perhaps too many months now. Considering my emotional turmoil which goes round and round from better to worse.
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