"You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone!"

"There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone."

(Pictures are from Tumblr; In the Twilight zone)

After a break, I started watching the The Twilight Zone -series. And I must say, that the show is excellent. Of all the old tv-shows most of them are kind of naive, but The Twilight Zone has some darker subjects and it fascinates me since it has the supernatural dark aspects I am turned to.
Deals with devils, darker sides of the human nature, time travel, space travel, dark and strange irony, people with supernatural talents and much more.
I can see now how some of the modern day series - more like directors and writers - have been influenced by it. 
It reminded me of the great X-files with the themes it had, although the main plot is completely different. That's one long TV -series I would want to get into again some day.

(Pictures are from Tumblr; In the Twilight zone)

"What you are about to watch is a nightmare. It is not meant to be prophetic, it need not happen, it's the fervent and urgent prayer of all men of good will that it never shall happen. But in this place, in this moment, it does happen. This is the Twilight Zone."

(Pictures are from Tumblr; In the Twilight zone)

Hmph. I also would need an apocalypse to survive from to read all the books I want. The same goes with TV -shows and movies.

Cast your Spell on me

Surprisingly I found myself painting yesterday night. And more surprisingly: with acrylic colours. They've never been my favorites, but last night I painted with them to save time - oil colours dry up for a really long time. I have to say that now I'm really into acrylic colours. How fast the technique is and how interesting the colours look on the canvas. You can have thick solid layers and at the same time you can make something that looks lucid like water colour.
I wanted to make a few paintings for my wall so they're not great but good enough for me.

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Here's an old painting I did. I don't have time to make new ones. But this one has many of the characteristics I like to use. Like a frame around the subjects - whether it's trees or shadows. I also like to use symbolism, mythology and halo's. This character's halo is not around her head though and that's because I had trouble with the painting. My teacher didn't like this painting and it's not my favourite either, but it has all the things I love to do, so in that sense I like it. 

(Copyrights belong to yours truly)

Oil on canvas. Small, about 50x30cm.

Prestuplenije i nakazanije

I have been getting more into baking, since I have a serious sweet tooth and my small salary keeps disappearing fast, so if you want to eat something good with as less trouble and money spending possible, you need to do things yourself. I hate baking, but I like to eat pastries and such, so I have gotten into it a bit.

Also I've managed to use less and less milk- and egg products, which is another thing I'm glad about. I won't justify my opinions - or more like general facts - about the industries inhuman treatment towards animals like cows and chickens or the fact about how the industry negatively affects on the global warming, since justifying my actions in my own blog is unnecessary. As some of you might know, some people consider being a vegan or vegetarian or any form of non meat-eater as a huge act of stupidity and so in case some of those people might read this, I refuse to go any deeper into the subject. Facts are - for example - in the internet for anyone to find, read and make their opinions upon, but I won't talk about that matter here.

And since I've been a bit busy with errands, like shopping for gifts for my family and getting myself a new piercing, I've been walking all around the town and haven't had the energy to photograph anything. Shameful, but the hope lives I get one day off to do so. I cannot even take a picture inside the apartment since the days are short and dark, and I haven't got enough light. All the pictures get turned very dark, and using the flash looks horrible and I didn't find any adjustments in the camera to help lighten the picture. So that's something I still want to do some day.

I'm disappointed with the choices in my local alcohol store, since I wanted to buy some rum, which I like to put in any hot beverages at this time of the year, but there wasn't many to choose from. For example the choices between a dry rum and a soft tasting rum was poor. So for a change I took the one and only soft tasting rum they had. And I have to say, it was quite delicious, even though I'm not an expert.

I would recommend this one. Since rum is a bit sweet, it fits glogg (glögi) or mulled wine.

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(Copyrights belong to yours truly)

My mental state has been barely manageable. At times I feel horrible and there's a lingering horrifying feeling underneath. I can't explain it. I most likely need another change in my dosage. Another increase. The therapist said that at some point with the right dosage I should be alright again, but at this rate I'm fearing that I might fall under the list of people who don't get any help from the medication. All I wish is that I would get better again. I wish that more than anything.
Next week I'll ask for an increase, since there's no quicker way to see a doctor for that. I have to block my mind from anything bad and try to focus on anything else I possibly can.

"We carry Death out of the village"

(Copyrights belong to me)

-"And what of the TRUE God? Whose glory, churches and monasteries have been built on these islands for generations past? Now sir, what of him?"

-"He's dead. Can't complain, had his chance and in modern parlance, blew it."

(Copyrights belong to me)

-"And the ministers fled the island never to return. What my grandfather started out of expediency, my father continued out of love. He brought me up the same way: to reverence the music, and the drama, and the rituals of the old gods; to love nature and to fear it, and to rely on it and to appease it when necessary. He brought me up--"

-"He brought you up to be a pagan!" 

-"A heathen, conceivably, but not, I hope, an unenlightened one."

Sometimes I think I can see right through myself

After my last therapy-session I've been feeling quite good. I don't know if the talking helped or if the medication is taking more effect. But I'm slowly feeling a bit better - yet again. I feel though that I don't want to be left alone with this. That I need the discussion-help where I can tell about my personal demons and maybe leave them behind somehow. I do not know.

I now have more tolerance to deal with the personal and world wide problems. A bit more tolerance for it. I also have found something in me that I thought I got rid off years ago; hatred towards humankind. That's usually a phase, that some of us go through in our teens. Yet I find that whenever I get distressed from the news, I also get more angry and hateful. Anger is something that I have been dealing at times. And I'm finding our species more and more intolerable to withstand. And at those moments I feel like I need to get away from people. Get closer to nature, where I once stood. I've gotten distant from the comfort of a forest and these years of entrapment in the city-area have not been good to me. This is something I wish I can change back.

These fun gif-pictures belong to Oh my gore! <- in tumblr.

Because of all these sore wounds in me, I feel like the old me has died. People change over the time and sometimes the change can happen quite quickly. And maybe people can get parts of their old selves back, but when they don't they are forever changed. And that's how I feel about myself. The old me has died and now I'm shedding my old skin and slowly finding my new form - whatever it will be.
It's not easy to let go of the thought, that I was once something different. Something more carefree and untainted. I had a completely different world views. Inner strength that I no longer have. It pains me to remember what I used to be. It's painful to form myself again from whatever shell of a human I am now.

As you can notice I'm still in a dark place. There's nothing I can do about that. I can imagine reading depressing writing is difficult for any average person, but hopefully I have time to go walk outside this weekend and take some photographs to add here. Something new to lighten up the blog.