Ensh'eass Woéd

Plastic insects painted with gold paint and glued onto a frame I've found from some flea-market.

 Finished and unfinished diy-projects. And my camera is still broken but now more so. I have to keep it together to take pictures. Such a headache and I cannot afford a new one.

My little "laboratory", which consists of different laboratory-type of bottles that I've found, gotten for free or paid couple euro's for.

 Unfinished tray. Saw one like it in the internet and thought making one for myself. It was black tray with ouija-board painted on it. Looked cool. Mine -- not so much "cool" but as soon as I've finished it will be enough for me.

Glass bell-jar on a glass plate glued to a glass candlestick.

"Last night a moth came to my bed, And filled my tired weary head, With horrid tales of you, I can't believe it's true"

(My Hannibal-inspired decoration)

Finished and unfinished diy-projects:

(Oblivion and Skyrim inspired books and "statue" of Nocturnal - unfinished, a fossil-hand and an unfinished vampire-slayer kit)

Some are inside shelves behind.. things, so I just took some pictures the best I could and mostly with a flash. Sorry about that. Also my camera is broken, so it's hard to use it for more than few seconds at time.

My unfinished vampire-slayer kit. Contains different kinds of bottles, one wooden stick, sharpened into a stake, toy-gun, some kind of saw, religious stuff like a bible, crosses and so forth. The box needs a layer of paint and I still haven't figured out how to assemble the things inside it. Cheap to make especially if you get lucky and find a wooden chest from a dumpster. Insanely lucky, especially if you're poor like me. I just look for other slayer kits and figure out how to assemble mine.

(Diy-fireplace and "antique" globe)

A diy-fireplace; a bit unfinished. Not the best looking one, I know. It looks so much better without the flash, since it's usually dim lighting in here. Also the "stonewall" need some shine in them, so I need to buy some kind of paint that makes it shine and look more like stone. To make your own fireplace, I recommend you to google it with the words "do it yourself". There's some good instructions out there, I usually improvise everything with what I have or what I can find as cheap as possible.

Average plastic blue earth-globe painted to look a bit older with gold-paint and white and ochre-color paint. You don't need much of the paint so it's quite cheap to make, if you can find a crappy globe with decent price - unlike I did.

Part of me feels like I should explain why a guy is interested in making stuff like these, but I won't. I think I've written about it before, at some other blog-post, so that'll do.

"Undead, undead, undead"

I'm still alive. Perhaps one day I will update something in here, but I haven't felt like writing for quite some time now. I was surprised to see that there's been 10 000 visitors in my blog, which is unnerving and interesting at the same time. I doubt there's much anything of interest in the contents yet I do like sharing blogs and such. Especially the ones where people have made things with their own hands, DIY-projects, Halloween-stuff and all kinds of things. So perhaps I will share some of my projects in the (near) future. To put some more content in this blog.

Oh, and what happens when Jill Tracy and "Bauhaus" combine musical talents: Click to youtube music video "Bela Lugosi's dead".

Step one, do it yourself. Step two, I don't know. Something exciting happens. Step three, profit.

*

Here's a bit more DIY-projects.


Some of the things in different websites about "diy" are projects harder to make when you live in a country that's too young to have a lot of old objects in every flea-market. There's also no cheap stores that sell feathers, jars, paints, pins and every kind of thing you might have seen someone mentioning in instructions. Every last piece from rusty nails to cardboard is expensive - used or new.

Here's some pictures of projects I want to try to make as soon as I can. I can't remember where I got these pictures, so I'm hoping no one takes offence for me adding these here:

I want to try making something like this, but since I don't have deer horns(?) just laying around, I want to try horn-shaped wood/branches, and paint them black or dark blackish brown.

Perhaps a doll's head would be a good substitute for this - whatever the material is? Wood or plastic perhaps? There's also Styrofoam-heads on Ebay. They are cheap but not sure how practical in use.

When you have limited space, either a fake or a real one would be interesting. A fake one is perhaps a bit harder to make, since I found no instructions on how to create fake-cabinet drawers.

A real one might be easier, since if you have a cabinet of any kind, all you need is more drawers. Perhaps it's not easy to find the smallest ones, but for example any old cabinets or work-desks drawers might do the trick.

And these things seem easy enough to make:

All you need is some wood-blanks and jars. Also chains and a wall-hook. Not difficult things to obtain.

It looks like this one doesn't have real tree branches, but I would like to try out real branches. It's quicker, cheaper and easier. Although burning real candles instead of led-candles is a bit risky, and I cannot recommend it.

I have the wood-boards, but no crowbar. It's a project I'm working on. I had to get really creative for living in a rented apartment. A house of my own is a wish, that might never come to be reality, unless I am able to re-educate myself or get a second job or something. So I use my energy by creating things that I can just as easily remove if I ever have to move out of my apartment.

I almost bought a cool looking oil-barrel with rings around it, so I could paint it to look like a real wood-barrel, but I didn't dare to spend more money at the time. Real barrels are really amazing, but also expensive. Usually over ten times more expensive than an average plastic-barrels.

And here's the last one of the easiest to make diy I added here. Plastic instects painted and hanged on a frame. Easy as pie.

"Untouched by the sunlight, Or the moonlight, I stand like a statue, As the stars bring their light"

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Do it yourself. DIY. A poor man's choice. An opportunity for artistic endeavor.

I have apartment full of different kinds of wood to work on and some metal-objects. At times I get an idea but mostly I look for ideas and inspirations. With zero-budget or otherwise very low starting points.

I think I might have written about this before, but when you don't have any money to spend, you can always make something from flour, baking dough, to be exact.

Couple of years back I made few baking dough-bones and bird-skull-look-a-likes for Halloween. Perhaps a person with patience and a touch for details could make better looking skulls, I just peeked at a picture and molded them to look something like that.

(About year old pictures)

Although these pictures and their use belongs solely to me, if you, my dear reader, get any kind of ideas and inspiration from these, you may of course use the ideas - but not the pictures.

Actual modelling clay or even play-dough can allow you to make a really fine, detailed and realistic work, but like I said, when you don't have money for it, and if you want decorations for a party or something to put into your jars of curiosities you can make these cheap. Also you can make small holes into the still-wet pastry and after its dry, you can put wire through and hang them on a chandelier. All you need is some fine-grained flour, water and salt. Salt is the key-element. Without it you end up with a paste that starts to stink and rot. Unfortunately I made that mistake with a mummified-hand I made. So you don't need any actual instructions, you just add equal measures of flour and water, but add more flour to keep it dry enough to handle. Also some use ovens to warm and harden the figurines, I just put flour over a newspaper and left it to dry for few days. I'm not sure if the shape changes in the oven.

Anyway, that one is a bit difficult thing to make, but like I said, if you don't have money nor imagination to try something else, it is an option.

Another idea, that I haven't yet tried, is to carve bones and skulls out of wood from forests. I have a little experience on carving wood, but in theory it sounds like an easy enough option. Just gather up some branches and whatnot and start carving. But the tree needs to be thick enough and not rotten or old. Also it needs to be completely dry.

One interesting idea I got from several different websites, that include making statues and other decorations from dolls and doll-heads. One thing I accidentally stumbled on was a practice-dollhead, for barbers and make-up artists. The difference from kids dolls is the size of the thing:

In this picture the practice-doll was painted from its natural human-like skin-colors to white. Not the most delicate colouring technique I used there, but any other person could try spray-painting to get the best, cleanest result. I used what I had. Equally I had to get creative with the hair the doll had. I cut it off the best I could, but with closer look you can see small pieces of hair sticking out. Using any razors or carpet-knifes would cause scratches on the skins surface, and they didn't get all the hair out.

Also the doll had an average head but I got an idea to make a head with its top cut off, to reveal its "brain". It kind of reminds me of one of those phrenology-heads.

There's also couple of books I tried to transform into something else, but I'm not all that happy with the results. Cardboard, and pins besides paints and hot glue were used with these.

And there's another picture I have once shared. But I got an idea, that I haven't yet tried out. Besides making octopus-figures on bottles, all other options are equally possible, but what I haven't tried, which might work even better as a 3-dimensional decoration is an actual plastic toy-octopus. Unfortunately they are hard to find and the ones I found from Ebay are surprisingly expensive for average toys. So this plan is currently on waiting-mode. But when I find a toy to hot glue on a bottle, I would probably paint it at first. I don't know how this idea might work, but hopefully I get a chance to try.

*

Cabinets of curiosities are fun things to have, and I have something like it. It goes through transforms every now and then, but currently it looks like this:

There was no space to get the whole cabinet into one picture, but as you can see, it has all kinds of jars and bottles - from grocery stores, flea-markets and alcohol-stores. Printed labels (which I need more and different kinds) and more things from flea-markets, like the candle-holders. Only the skull-replicas are from Ebay. The human-skull one was the most expensive one, and it is a real treasure.

I'll add ore pictures later, like the mummified hand and a bit better looking diy-books.

Creepy Green Light

(Copyrights belong to me)

(Copyrights belong to me)

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A little bit of Halloween-preparations underway. Sticks, candles, spiderwebs are mostly it. I am yet again quite broke, but perhaps next year I will be more prepared. I am trying to build some kind of cloaked figure, but it is still unfinished. I am too tired still to try anything more time-consuming, although I have found a lot of diy-tips of making pumpkins and skulls from paper-mache, which isn't complicated at all. Just time- and effort consuming. I have neither at the moment.

Haunted House

I don't know why Halloween fascinates me so, but I am hooked. I'd love to decorate my apartment, but I can't afford many decorations. And the decorations that are sold in my country are few and childish. But the webshops - especially American ones - have so many amazing decorations, that I wish I could afford to buy stuff from them. Here's couple webshops that I've been glaring at sometimes:

Grandinroad.

Potterybarn.

Slumber

The opposite wall I showed in a previous post. Unpainted shelves. I still did not have the need or want to take a picture with a better light, but since my apartment is usually as dark as in this picture, I guess it is appropriate. Inside the glass-shelves are the DIY-books I had crafted a bit in the summer. Unfortunately that project has been on hold for quite some time now. Perhaps one day when I feel better, I have the time and energy to continue working on them.

Heebie-Jeebies

My apartment is always "under construction". It's been months since the last time I did something to it. I have tables and shelves to re-paint, but I've been too exhausted to continue.
I should take a better - more well-lit - pictures of my home, especially the DIY-projects you can barely see here: fake-fireplace (picture above) and the steam-to-be-punk- computer in the picture below. It looks better from afar. The things I've used with making the both are plainly put "trash" and stuff that I've come across or collected at some point. Wood-pieces, paint and knick-knack's of all kind. But I still need to continue working with them. The fake-fireplace needs some kind of metal-cover(?) to add the fireplace-feel and also to stop my cats from going near any candles I might burn in it. It is highly fire-risky gadget to be had, but I am very careful with open-fire anyway, and I've always planned to invest on led-candles. For the safety of my dear possession but most of all for the safety of my cats whiskers. Nothing looks quite so sadly hilarious than a cat with burned whiskers.

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I've been meant to get to know the music by Nick Cave for some time now, but coincidentally I was lured into this song by the album cover. After all, I am weak for the aesthetic beauty of the night-time trees:

Also the fall-time playlist of mine consists of dark cabaret, well, what can I say, the era the music rekindles really speaks to the reincarnation- and history-freak-side in me:

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

My fake-fireplace is almost ready. I used all the wood-pieces I've gathered over the years from trash-sites. I first gathered wood-boards for painting; pieces of shelves, cabinet doors and whatever bigger pieces I happened to come across. I find re-using things the smart thing to do since just keep buying wood from the stores is quite pointless when people throw away so much of them. You can't even use them as firewood if they are painted or if the population doesn't have fireplaces or don't want to gather discarded boards to burn. There are of course cheap wood-boards for sale, like the hardboard, and it is quite good for painting. Not as easy to hang on the wall for being so thin, but it is light and cheap.
Anyway, I ran out of fitting pieces for my fireplace, but it doesn't matter since it is almost done. I shared a website-link - or two - in one of my previous posts, but there are a lot of instructions for building one. All you need to do is look.

And the painting for the roof is still underway. It's going to be a lot of work, since there are so many small details. I probably have to work on it for a long time.

I've also been planning to make my own tarot-cards. For that I think I could find a cheap, probably used, plain card-pack, paint it white and then use ink to draw the pictures I want. And of course I will plan the pictures myself.

I find the cards to be beautiful works of art. And also the original mysticism around them fascinates me. I'd like to read more about them, like how they became to be, and how they managed to survive in the world of Christianity. After all, the Christians tried to destroy every last thing that had anything to do with mysticism, witch-craft and anything not-christian-god-related. Also why are the cards what they are; why is there a Tower-card or a Hermit-card. They interest me.

“Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven.”

(Copyrights belong to me)

I find my stock of spring-pictures lacking. And spring is soon at its end, and I haven't had the time to go out and photograph the suddle changes in the nature.

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Again new ambitious plans are forming; I've started to collect some worthless, free books to turn into something different. I have some already and I'm waiting for some large delivery from people all over town, who have books that they don't need and are willing to give for free of charge just to get rid of them.

And what I will make of them, at least the covers of them (insides are a question-mark - to leave them as they are or to do something to them):

This one is from the Halloweenforum <-

More books and ideas can be found from a lot of places, just try different keywords.

I wouldn't dare to lay a hand on any of my most valued books, like books from Dostoevsky,  Kafka and countless of others. Thus I will use only the worthless books to transform them into something more pleasing to my eyes.

"The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance"

(Copyrights belong to me)

I've been tired, lazy and spending a bit too much money on stuff for my apartment. Yet I found really fairly priced fake-skulls from Ebay, that I had to buy them. 
Skulls are one of the things I simply find beautiful; the shapes, the colours are just amazing. Truly one of those things that are naturally beautiful. I could admire them all day long.
If you, my reader, are interested in buying skulls (and if roaming in the forests looking for them doesn't "pay off"), just go to Ebay or Etsy. I usually prefer Ebay for the price. 
If I found reasonable priced skulls, so will you.

I have also been doing research on steampunk-computers, so I could pimp my desk computer into one. If or when succeeded I will post a photo. But I suspect that this will be a long project.

One project I manage to finish was transforming one wall into a dark green one. Not as dark as I wanted, but since I couldn't paint the wall nor put tapestry on it - for I live in a rented apartment - I did what I always do; bought a long fabric and attached it onto the wall. I dare say it's a good - and fast - option when you can't do anything permanent on your asylum-white-walls. The result isn't smooth, of course, and usually it looks really good without being smooth.

And talking about painting; since I feel like doing all kinds of projects, I also am slowly finishing up some of my unfinished paintings. I am excited about one particular work.

Perhaps these are the kind of projects that have taken my interest over studying. Although I admit, I feel that the studying should take higher priority, but what can I say. Everyone needs to take a little time off every now and then.

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I won't talk about the studying, since I feel a bit down by the lack of it. But like I said; I have been tired and lazy. Do not know which exactly but all I know is that I can't force myself to do anything. Have tried it - never succeeded.

Since I do not have much to write about, as I seem to have been feeling well enough not to write my usual rantings, I'll keep this post short.

(Copyrights belong to me)

For friends of humour, especially dark, twisted and hilarious humour; check out the animation-series Robot Chicken. That pretty much sums up my whole week.

Bacchanalia, The Feast of my Patron

(Copyrights belongs to me)

I have been feeling real lazy and/or tired lately. Yet again. Although I don't feel depressed, still more neutral than anything, I'm trying to figure out why I'm so tired if it is not depression acting up. Could it be, that I'm just normally tired for doing physical labor 35,1 hours per week? And spending my evenings more or less actively studying? I like to think so. And I also like to think, that it's ok to rest once in a while. That I deserve this and if I feel tired, it must be my body and psyche saying; take it easy. Whatever the truth is, I'm now going with that. I get tired just by thinking about the lack of time. I should just take it easy. Dealing with things when I come to that point. Living day by day.

So now I'm about to relax.

I wanted to write something about my obsession with my home; why I'm picky about people coming here, who can and who can't come, why it's important that my home pleases me and my needs from reading to hanging up my own paintings and what not.

For some people home is just a place to relax, sleep and socialize. For me, my home is a safe-place - a haven. I spend most of my time here, inside these walls, and I feel like it's my cocoon. No evil, no horrors of reality can penetrate these walls. Even when I'm or I was feeling depressed I felt more calm and content by being at my home. Being inside here doesn't feel like I'm locked in. I just wonder how many feel this way too. At least I can figure that out when I see different homes. I know who actually spend a lot of time there, how much their interior tells about them and what they appreciate.

I've started some unfinished projects at my home. Like re-painting my kitchen table to a more natural-wood colour, and I've even planned if I could shape the legs into lion-pawns, or maybe sculpting some of the wooden parts into dragon-heads.

Another project has been to figure out some way to turn one wall into another color without painting or putting a tapestry on it, since I live in a rented apartment. My landlord is cool, but I don't think he would approve my taste, so I probably need to do what I always do, when I want a different colour wall; I buy fabric/curtains, and hang them on the wall, so they cover it up. Not the most cheapest solution, but if you want some colours, you would have to paint over with white or other more approved color. Especially black is forbidden colour. I do not know why. Black is the colour of mid-winter sky at a moonless night. It's the colour of human-pupils, and as we know the saying "you can see the soul from eyes".

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On the top of this post is an etching-work I did few years back. Not really my kind of work that etching, although it's an experience, and all artists should at least try it.

But the thing I was portraying is Bacchus, Dionysos, who is one of my favourite gods of all of the old and new gods. Although he's an ancient Greek and Roman god, I always have had this special interest in those gods of those ancient times.

(A horrible water-colour "plan" of some painting I never got to do; 13x25cm)

The exact nature of the god changes a bit from where you read about him, but the main thing is that he's a god of wine, celebration, fertility, theater and you could say "arts". Some details differ.

I also find it fascinating, that some have compared him to the Christian Jesus Christ. That's because both are "gods" of reincarnation, both have died and reborn. Bacchus was eaten alive as a child by some monsters, perhaps gorgons, I can't remember the exact details. Only his heart was spared, and Zeus took it and recreated his son in his thigh. And also it is said that the child-Bacchus was ripped apart by Titans with the same ending. Other story says that the mortal mother of Bacchus was burned alive when seeing the real god-form of Zeus, and so Zeus took his unborn son and put him into his thigh. When Bacchus was born (again), he was at least by one story, raised by the god Hermes (step-brother in the light of relations), and to keep Bacchus safe from jealous Hera, Bacchus was raised up as a "girl". 

There are so many interesting details about Bacchus, that I recommend that the interested readers should read more about him from wherever you want.

I have many favourite things in Greek and Roman mythologies from the classical god-deities to the monsters, and I've always been inspired by the stories. I even made a painting-collection dedicated to that theme. I had a whole bunch of other ideas streaming in my head for couple of years, and the ideas exist still, even though I can't paint with the lack of time and space.

I had some Minotaurus-ideas tickling my brain, and I really hope I can someday get these pestering ideas out of my head.

(Copyrights belong to yours truly, tempera- and oilpaint on board, 100x100cm)

Yes, this seems to be my style: bright-colours and not so realistic touch with a hint of symbolism. 

I always think about how much I want to use real models for a change, and learn to paint realism before anything else, but without models I can only create from my head. Which is fine too, but I cannot help but to remember all the paintings I've started or finished with portraits of actual people. There is a night and day -difference there. With at least a face of a actual person the whole work becomes something else.

So if you, dear reader, are a painter or any kind of visual-artist, and you want to do realism or try it, all you have to do is get yourself a model. Even a really good, big picture is fine, if the final work will be on some smaller canvas or you have other means to copy the realism into your painting without frustrating re-sizing methods and you're capable of capturing the actual realistic features from a photograph into a bigger canvas.

Now that I feel more artistic again, I get these cravings to get painting. Gods, how I wish I had time, space and canvases to do that.

Wolf moon Rising

The golden part of the fall is about to end.

And today's windy weather is shaking down the rest of the leaves.

If the sky remains clear tonight, it might be amazing to walk outside at night. Screaming wind, starry black sky and tree branches reaching like scary fingers in the moonlight.
One thing I wish I could get back is my enthusiasm towards nightly walks. Last time I did that was a year ago... Maybe after I have healed enough, I might get it back. I might get some other things back, that I lost.

I've just done a lot of thinking and I've done some confronting with difficult subjects, but with my medication I have been able to find enjoyment from different things. That's one thing I thought I had lost. Also laughter is something that - blissful enough - I've done after a long, long time.

Maybe also the upcoming Halloween has got my mind cheered up. I've done some decorations for the small party, like paper bats flying on the walls (and my cats try to keep on hunting them although I put a lot of time and effort into making those things), pumpkin heads and a creepy tree. Today I started making small skulls out of dough, since I can't afford decent modeling clay. I know this great clay, that's white and it gets hard really fast, so if I remember correctly, you had to mold it with a bit of water, and after that it would get hard by itself and then you could put paint on it. That clay is great, and not too expensive for making small things, but I'm a bit broke, so I really needed to use my imagination. Go all McGyver on Halloween.

It's a shame I can't take photographs of the stuff I've done.

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I know that my blog is quite moderate and has no important thought-provoking content, but this is just my corner for small trivial things. And to share about my experience on heartbreak, being single, asexual, goth and metal head and to tell about things that interest me. And for a bonus I will share things that might interest any readers, like webshops or whatever I find.

I don't like to write about anything topical or politically important because there's just so much one person can take, and talking about dead serious problems especially while being medically depressed isn't appealing. 
I found out my limits when I was a teenager. I was so angry and disappointed with humanity I found the state of the world overwhelming. After the realization that I, being just one person, could do only so much, I decided to block out the news of the world from my mind. I read and watch the news everyday, but I also lock them out from my mind so they don't really get to me. I sometimes talk about politics with my friends and family, how the world is going to hell and we are being sucked into a current or a hurricane, and we can only try to survive in this world, but reality is too hard for anyone to bare. Me talking about bad things - although realistic things - would make anyone depressed, not just me. So I will leave the horror's of reality to someone else.

Instead I will keep on writing stuff about myself. To whoever might be interested. At least I find some personal problems in other blogs to be interesting. When some blogger is fighting with depression I feel sympathy and I like to read how that person gets along with their life.

 

(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)

The Coven of Witches

Single-life really ain't bad. You can fulfill whatever whims and desires you get. 

Want to watch a movie? Any kind of movie you want? 

- Definitely.

Want to buy ice-cream and eat the whole damn thing by yourself? 

- Go ahead.

Want to buy things for yourself even if that means that you might have to eat porridge for the rest of the month? 

- You do that.

Want to paint/play video games all day/night long?

- Why not!

Those are just one examples when you're the king of your own house and you make the decisions for yourself. You have yourself to pamper. And maybe some pets too. 

Maybe couples who are perfect for each other can be individuals at the same time they're together, but I haven't experienced that. My individuality was reduced - besides many other things, but I like now that my home is my home again. I can do whatever I want with it. And it's slowly starting to look more and more amazing. If I had more money I would get some taxidermy-things and oddities, but I make do with what I have and what I can create.

(Could not find the artist of these Halloween-comic strips. Inform me if you know the name.)

I've been watching way too many tattoo reality tv-shows. It's just part of my relaxing after work, and I don't want to start watching any good new series because I need to study (and I need to focus a lot more now because that hasn't gone so well lately). 

Tattoo artist is one profession I have thought about since it's one way to stay as an artist and do art for a living, but it's a really difficult road. I'm not completely ruling it out, though. Let's first see what happens with the entrance exams in the spring. Then I know how many back-up plans I will need. I say "back-up" but what I mean is that I have few plans for my future, and all of them are quite hard to achieve, so I need to try my luck with all of them to see what will be the road for me. I don't mean to make anything sound trivial or unimportant.

*

American Horror Story: Coven has already started airing new episodes. The first episode was amazing, just pure gold!

Pumpkin Rot

All kinds of creepy critters have invaded my walls and mirrors. It's partly for my small Halloween celebration with couple of my friends (not due until the end of the month though) but most of all for me to enjoy. Since of my current situation in life, I guess I feel the need to enjoy all kinds of smaller things in life, like doing something creative. And this is the type of guy I am. I sometimes feel like I should explain myself to other people, who might not understand this, and I might write something about that someday, but now I will just shut up.

And I know I was supposed to introduce the game Bioshock (even though I bet there's not many who do not know it), but I think I might leave that to another day.

Darkness and Dawn

*

Even with this sinister text, I'm still feeling good. Enjoying the autumn-days, studying my best and waiting anxiously for the Halloween.

And today I got my lamp installed to the roof, so I'm really glad about that. No more squinting my eyes in the dark corners trying to find an USB-port or a pen that has fallen onto the floor. Now I can see better no matter how dark it gets outside. It wasn't just a simple plugging in the lamp, it had to be installed by an electrician, because of the weird wiring. Anyway I feel good, and I hope I will feel this way for a long time.

As black as the night can get

If someone has been wondering, where to get these very decorative hard-covered books of classical literature, go to Barnes and Noble . I will make some purchases there after Halloween is over. 
I really like it, when the publishers invests in the quality of the book. Books will survive most likely hundreds of years so it's nice to own books that look good in the eyes of people who appreciates aesthetic things, but since I already have one of these books, I know that they are very high quality.

*

Bought few green lanterns for candles. I really like how the flame looks in them. Like some eerie green foxfire dancing.

Since the nights have been pitch black for quite some time now, I'm slowly starting to burn candles. An old habit of mine.

*

As for the bad news, I think I'm getting used to my new medication, so the effects are starting to wear off. It's troubling, but it just means that I would have to change medication to something else, and try that. As I'm starting to lose the grip to the normality, and my mind has the will of its own, I'm feeling kind of discouraged with this situation. All I need to do is to remember how good it felt to feel normal, so I keep my hopes up.

I guess I could call this the good news, but I've gotten into baking. Just a  bit. I usually hate baking and cooking - mostly because it's a lot of work and that means a lot of dishes to wash, but I've been baking bread and desserts for myself especially when I have some extra time to do all that. It's been kind of nice.

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily - life is but a dream"

(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)

In Ancient Greek mythology, Proserpina the daughter of Demeter - goddess of the Harvest - ate a grenade apple in Hades, and was trapped to Hades for half of the year, since if you would eat anything in Hades, you would be doomed to spent the eternity there. While she was in Hades, the plants started to die, and winter came, because Proserpina's mother wept for her stolen daughter, and so Zeus ordered Proserpina to be returned to the world of the living. Still the damage was done, and so six months she spent in Hades ruling as the queen alongside the husband - she was forced to take. But when she was able to leave Hades for the half part of the year, the plants started to grow and spring came with her to the world of the living, as the mother and daughter were back together again.

As the leaf's cover our trail with gold, Proserpina is returning back into Hades. 

I had this painting - medieval art styled - about Hades and Proserpina. It's a perfect metaphor for my longing heart.

*

I've seen my friend and family after something that feels like a long time. That really made my week and I feel like I can go on for sometime with this. I'm usually on my own, so at times I need human contact. At least a bit after periods of solitude.

*

Today's thoughts were about reality. I don't know how long I've felt this way, but everything outside my apartment seems unreal. If it's the medication or the artist in me, that's how I feel.

Also another random thought of today: cat's do not appreciate antique. I got couple of amazing chairs for amazingly cheap, and my cat's think the chairs are for sharpening their claws...

*

Curiouser, curiouser...

Here's a couple of webshops I will put in mind the next time I have some extra coin:

shrunkenheaddotcom

http://www.etsy.com/shop/shrunkenheaddotcom

Masqueradesnbonesaws

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Masqueradesnbonesaws

Dellamorteco

http://www.etsy.com/shop/Dellamorteco

"Let me see you Stripped down to the bone"

It would seem that I don't have a specific trail of thought with this post. Just a stream of thoughts.

My small precious home is coming together. I now have a table, and in the weekend I will get chairs for the table. It will be great to eat at a table. So that's the last piece of furniture I needed - and what fits my small yet cozy apartment. I feel really attached to my new home, since it's been a safe haven from all the bad things that have happened to me in the past year. This is my home now. I hope I can stay here at least as long as I feel this need to put my roots into the ground and just stay put and heal until I can deal with the world again.

(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)

It seems that all the photographs I have now are several years old. I have only a handful of year old pictures. Sigh.

(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)

Since I've been so patient with only few coins in my bank account and using my imagination to feed myself, I shall gift myself with a bottle of red wine this weekend, since I'm getting my paycheck. Finally. 
The red wine "Versus" is probably my favourite, yet I'm the kind of guy who enjoys any kind of wine - especially any red wine.
Versus is a very smooth flavoured red wine without any strong flavours - it's not (too) sweet and there's no spicy taste to it. It's just very smooth and pleasant. It's delicious.

Versus Red

So I should pick something new again. Tasting different kinds of wines for finding a wine I like doesn't apply to me, but just tasting different types of wine stops me from drinking the same kind time after time.

I've never been the kind of guy who gets excited by eating or drinking or just excited by any kind of food or drink. I could - and I can - eat the same kind of food from year after year. I don't invest in the quality of food. I have no idea what the world of gourmet is like. I just eat to live. Although some foods and drinks do have an affect on my mood, yet the time for each of them varies greatly. Sometimes I get a craving for something, yet after a while, the craving ceases. 

Yet in other ways I am a hedonist. I feed my soul with music, art and great stories - in literature or movies or anything at all. That's why I sometimes can spend too much money on things that feed my soul but not my physical self. It's sometimes a tricky way of life, because in this world, I have to choose between feeding myself spiritually or feeding myself physically. Food is expensive as are the arts. At times it's not an easy decision. Although I'm not a starving artist just yet.