"O Falon'Din Lethanavir -- Friend to the Dead, Guide my feet, calm my soul, lead me to my rest."

My fiercest fantasy-genre obsession started and ended in my early teens, but what hasn't - and won't ever - change, is my love (and obsession) for a great story and great characters. I cannot even underline those two things enough. Whether in games, books, movies or TV-shows, if your story and characters are not "whole", entwined with each other seamlessly, you will lack the most important part of any story: feeling. If I feel for the story, for the characters, then it is love. Unfortunately that is a rare thing. Most seem to want touch and look at the surface of things - which usually makes me bored or wanting for more.

It's simply not enough to force the ingredients together, adding only what you think people might want to see. I want more than pretty trees and real-enough rain. Especially the difficult, deep and complicated relations with different kinds of people is something that is sadly underrated quality when it should be perhaps the most important key-element of a great story.

One thing hasn't changed though: I love slaying dragons. It's just fucking awesome.

"Though Darkness closes, I am shielded by Flame."

There's a thousand things to write down, and yet the thoughts elude me when I sit down to lead them here - into more coherent form than rising and descending wave of thoughts.

This wave of thoughts and moods are what have made me think about bipolar-disorder, and if I might have the symptoms. It might be just coincidence or my imagination, but it does seem that I can't beat my depression. I won't go to many details about it, but there has been some "up's" beside the "downs". And there has been few incidents that I haven't paid much attention to. It's usually said, that you can recover from depression in about half a year, but I have been like this for two years already. Maybe longer than that. It's been two years since I went to the doctor asking for help with my exhaustion et cetera.

My therapist called the depression as a helper - that reveals the things you need to correct and heal. Interesting thought, but for me this has been more like a demonic possession.

There was only Chaos, Corruption and Dead Whispers. For I have seen the Throne of the Gods, and it was Empty.

(I haven't watched any series at late, but I do wait for the 3. season of The Hannibal-series.)

It is anger that keeps me warm when outside the frost clings to the trees. I don't know what the anger is about or to who it is toward to, but I can feel it bubbling inside me. It has suffocated the previous anxieties and gloominess, but who knows for how long this time.

I'd rather be angry at life than depressed. At least when you're angry, you feel a bit more like a living person instead of a ghost.

I do fear that this uplift mood might turn against me by forming into mania. But I get scared at times anyway, the trick is not to think about all the "what if's".

Listen to this poor Demon

He trembles in the bitter wind

Until it's time for us to speak

Whilst others here are sleeping sound

I'll slip away by floorboard creak

Upon the hill he'll hear my secrets

Shock the colours to bleach inside

Whilst others there are sleeping sound

Just we two will confide

Listen to his body moan

Make a wish and send us home

To spin the gold and silver stitches

We can turn his rags to riches

With frosty Jack on fingernail

Thro' shoe black smile he'll tell-a-tale

Come whisper thro' your lips of straw

A moment torn forever more

Listen to his body groan

Make a wish and send us home

To spin the gold and silver stitches

We can turn his rags to riches

My so-called friends say you're not alive

I'll bake their bones for telling lies

Then pull the pastry from the pie

And pour the gravy in their eye

Listen to his body moan

Make a wish and send us home

To spin the gold and silver stitches

We can turn his rags to riches

Homo homini lupus est

(Copyrights are mine)

*

Shortly, since I don't feel like writing: money-troubles, medication working, but sleep-rhythm has gone awry. Ravens follow me everywhere, which is like a sign. At least it's getting a tad ridiculous.

I explored and adventured Thedas in Dragon Age: Inquisition. I won't write a review, since I dislike reviews and it takes a bit more time to write whatever I might want to write about it. Just saying that it was pretty much what I expected from Bioware. Amazing sequel. How it fares on its own, is controversial, I'm sure, but with the previous parts combined make it amazing. Totally worth it.

And I'm starting slowly planning my next step in the actual, real life. I bought supplies to start learning how to tattoo. It's the one road I thought, I would never follow, but I don't have a lot of options. Even if it wouldn't work out, I have to try.