Sometimes I think I can see right through myself

After my last therapy-session I've been feeling quite good. I don't know if the talking helped or if the medication is taking more effect. But I'm slowly feeling a bit better - yet again. I feel though that I don't want to be left alone with this. That I need the discussion-help where I can tell about my personal demons and maybe leave them behind somehow. I do not know.

I now have more tolerance to deal with the personal and world wide problems. A bit more tolerance for it. I also have found something in me that I thought I got rid off years ago; hatred towards humankind. That's usually a phase, that some of us go through in our teens. Yet I find that whenever I get distressed from the news, I also get more angry and hateful. Anger is something that I have been dealing at times. And I'm finding our species more and more intolerable to withstand. And at those moments I feel like I need to get away from people. Get closer to nature, where I once stood. I've gotten distant from the comfort of a forest and these years of entrapment in the city-area have not been good to me. This is something I wish I can change back.

These fun gif-pictures belong to Oh my gore! <- in tumblr.

Because of all these sore wounds in me, I feel like the old me has died. People change over the time and sometimes the change can happen quite quickly. And maybe people can get parts of their old selves back, but when they don't they are forever changed. And that's how I feel about myself. The old me has died and now I'm shedding my old skin and slowly finding my new form - whatever it will be.
It's not easy to let go of the thought, that I was once something different. Something more carefree and untainted. I had a completely different world views. Inner strength that I no longer have. It pains me to remember what I used to be. It's painful to form myself again from whatever shell of a human I am now.

As you can notice I'm still in a dark place. There's nothing I can do about that. I can imagine reading depressing writing is difficult for any average person, but hopefully I have time to go walk outside this weekend and take some photographs to add here. Something new to lighten up the blog.