(Copyrights mine)
I've been haunted by this peculiar feeling of ending. I don't know if it is simply my imagination or what, but for at least a year now it has been moving around in my head. It feels like my life is coming to an end, or maybe it is the world or humanity that's ending. Or it might be just all in my head. But these odd sensations come and go or float around behind my eyes, and I keep waving them away like pesky flies, but they keep coming back.
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When I read and hear about people's happiness, it makes me want to hurl. I remember happiness, I do. And the logical side is glad about other's happiness, but one thing that has been growing, raising and descending is hate. Hate towards me and everyone and no one. It's not surprising that I am still this sloppy mess of a person with these messy feelings and sensations that make sense in a mad world. A hacked up sack of meat, pretending to be alive, that's what I am. Different sensations keep haunting me and I try to remember to write them down. Perhaps I will understand it all someday. Perhaps I will heal, forgot and cannot understand a word I have written.
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