"In the blur of Serenity where did everything get Lost? The Flowers of Naivete buried in a layer of Frost - The Smell of Sunshine, I remember sometimes"

Today's the international Father's Day. I haven't written here much lately, since I've been thinking about writing something personal. More personal than sexuality or my depression. Something that some of the people in the world have experienced, and know of and some might be even interested in reading about it. But I found out that I am unable to write the things down. I think about it in my head, I make the sentences I could write, but I can't write them. I can't say them. And I guess I feel pressured for some reason, so I've been avoiding my own blog. It's almost as if I would think that I might force myself into doing something unpleasant. Which is ridiculous.

I also noticed yesterday, that I can't speak about some of the people I had to leave behind in the summer. I cannot say their names anymore. I can think about that and a lot of hard things, but I cannot talk about them. I really hope I will be able to find the words in therapy. If I can't tell the therapist about those things, they might come to the conclusion that I won't need their assistance. The things I was able to tell, with some difficulty and vague words, were not understood completely since there's a lot more behind the things I said. The things I said will not seem like uncommon or more or less nontrivial problems, because I wasn't able to tell the whole story. I guess I'm writing about this because I find this whole thing shocking. And I'm still writing about the things I know since there are other people fighting their own personal demons, and they might find the fact of having other's doing the same comforting.

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Sol Invictus - In a Garden Green

This is love, This is hate 

This is chance, This is fate 

These the rich, These the poor 

This is peace, This is war 

In a Garden Green

This is dark, This is light 

This is wrong, This is right 

These the strong, These the weak 

These awake, These asleep 

In a Garden Green

These to hide, These to seek 

These to laugh, these to weep 

These build , these destroy 

This a girl, This a boy 

In a Garden Green

These are flowers, These are weeds 

These are healthy , These diseased 

These will bloom, These will rot 

This the tomb, This the cot 

This a path, This a wall 

This a plough, This a sword 

This is marble, This is clay 

This a throne, This a grave 

In a Garden Green

Is God Good 

is God Bad 

Is God Happy 

Is God Sad 

Is God Honest 

is God Sly 

Is God alive 

or did God Die 

In a Garden Green

And one of the saddest songs from Nine Inch Nails, "All the love in the world". When I feel like I'm sinking into the depths of the Great Below, Nine Inch Nails will be there to take me down. Even though Trent Reznor makes really depressing and sad music, he makes one of the most beautiful sounds with the most touching lyrics in the world. Desperation, melancholy and beauty go seamlessly together.

Nine Inch Nails - All the Love in the World

Watching all the insects march along

seem to know just right where they belong

smears a face reflecting in the chrome

hiding in the crowd I'm all alone

no one's heard a single word I've said

they don't sound this good outside my head

it looks as though the past is here to stay

I've become a million miles a...

why do you get all the love in the world?

why do you get all the love in the world?

why do you get all the love in the world?

all the jagged edges disappear

colors all look brighter when you're near

the stars are all afire in the sky

sometimes I get so lonely I could...

why do you get all the love in the world?

why do you get all the love in the world?

why do you get all the love in the world?

why do you get all the love in the world?

why do you get all the love in the world?