The Crown of an Elk

(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)

I'm taking a bigger antidepressant dosage now - a bit bigger dosage. It's starting to work so I start to feel relieved once again.

I'm also slowly going into a hermit-mode. I'm starting to feel like I felt two years ago. A hermit who just does whatever he wants whenever he wants, living quietly by myself and enjoying it. I just get some interesting stuff for my house (I'm slowly trying to build a "mad scientist laboratory" for myself), watch movies and a couple of TV-series, eat and drink whatever I want and I've been trying to go for a walk in the weekends, but fortunately I've had social gatherings so I have enjoyed them instead, but otherwise I'm really deep in my own zone. It's starting to feel weird when I go somewhere where there's a lot of people, like stores and the town center. I don't think I feel anxious, but it just feels odd.

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I've also finally decided the kind of tattoo I want. I've been planning for years, changing the idea's and locations every now and then, but now I believe I have a solid idea that requires nothing more than the funding.
Of course I will get back to the subject if and when I get the money for it.
I believe it's smart to get a small or average sized tattoo when you're the so called "tattoo-virgin", that you have no ink yet. For me it's always been about the money, but it's also been about the idea. As an artist - of sorts - I feel that I need to have something of my own in the picture. The tattooist makes it theirs when they put it on my skin, but before that the design has to have something of mine. The idea must come from me. I wouldn't want to force any artist to do any of my own drawn pictures, since that would be just copying. I want them to use their own talents at that point on, when they take the idea of it.
But I will update the situation when I know it will happen.

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And another thing is that I'm currently looking for some really really cheap camera's - because I can't afford a good one now - nor later. I've been missing photographing for two years. It's kind of an instant artistic-relief. Just to take a camera and go outside. I've really missed that. Painting and drawing needs time that I don't have now that I'm studying - what would apparently be high school studies - on my free time after work.

I've made a couple of book finds, which are just great, and I've also for the first time bought myself a Joulu-tree. I don't want to use the word "Christmas" so "Joulu" is my country's equivalent but with the old pagan heritage and not the modern christian-nonsense. Apologizes, christian people. I just find the forced destruction of the old ways disturbing, and I don't want to endorse it. I rather take my own heritage and my family's traditions and mix them together. This subject would be a long one if I'd want to write about it, but I don't. This will do.