“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.”

Association with human beings lures one into self-observation.

- Franz Kafka

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Out of curiosity I looked at some of the blogs I found, that told about single-life. First impression was amazement. It was like looking at a strange civilization. I could not understand any of it. One night stands, fuck-buddies, all the relationship drama and whatnot. It was puzzling. Almost fascinating. Like I was peeking through some unknown alien-species, that had their own strange customs I couldn't relate to, couldn't understand it in any form, to compare it to my life, since it was so different. Like a mirror-image of my life. It was bizarre.

But I do have this almost perverted curiosity towards that world. I say "perverted" since I have gone through such degree of curiosity, that I have even peeked at some of the TV-programs that are planned for those bizarre group of people and I find that perverted. I mean, who in their right mind finds that entertainment? I cannot understand any of it. I cannot even explain what it's like. It's like going into a zoo to watch the animals. Or perhaps it's like meeting an alien-race with new strange customs you're trying to understand by comparing to your own traditional customs. I do not know. I'm a bit doubtful if my own life would seem as bizarre to those people as their lives seem bizarre to me. I probably come of as a loser or failure in life.

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Although I wrote that the romantic idealist in me has died, I did for fun, a personality test. It seems I sometimes get fed up with studying and I want to do just about anything else except that:


My result: INFP (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception) is an abbreviation used in the publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to refer to one of sixteen personality types.

Short version to those, who do not want to read the whole thing is: 

 
- "I – Introversion preferred to extroversion: INFP's tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extroverts gain energy).
- N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INFPs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details, and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
- F – Feeling preferred to thinking: INFPs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.
- P – Perception preferred to judgment: INFPs tend to withhold judgment and delay important decisions, preferring to "keep their options open" should circumstances change."

"The Idealist"

"As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves

INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place.

Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPs do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it. If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings. In conflict situations, INFPs place little importance on who is right and who is wrong. They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right. They don't want to feel badly. This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations. On the other hand, INFPs make very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet. - And for personal note: I sometimes forget to eat and drink when I'm concentrating on something I'm doing.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs."

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Feeling

Auxiliary: Extraverted Intuition

Tertiary: Introverted Sensing

Inferior: Extraverted Thinking

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Although this is a psychological theory about personality-types I agree with the results. I am an introvert, that's no surprise. And I tend to think and act more on a feeling than on logical thinking. This is one reason that some people might think that I'm a fool, an idiot, incapable to perceive things logically.

Yet some of the details varies, what is expected from a the reality, where a human psyche is built on several different factors like genes, environment and upbringing. What I do like is being aware of different personalities. Since many of the extroverts cannot understand that for introverts socializing is tiring, it is good to explain that. 

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And now I must get ready to go photographing the city. I have some errands to do there, so I decided to try and photograph too. The opportunities have been few, so I must seize this one before I'm too tired.