Thursday 13 February 2014

My dark Feathered Friends; Come rest on my Shoulders and sing Your song to Me

(Copyrights belong to yours truly - so, no copying ladies and gentlemen)

I'm been reading every night now, which is amazing achievement. I've been quite busy with all kinds of things - mostly studying, so I don't have time to read a lot at once, but still I feel good. I got one of my old hobbies back. And I have a lot of "new" old books, that I want to read. At the moment I am slowly reading through the Stephen King's "The Shining", which I probably have already mentioned here. But I must add, that although the Stanley Kubrick's film-version was his vision and probably had his own ulterior motives, I like to think the two of them as separate stories - especially now that I am learning the King's version, which is already a lot different in many ways.

I feel relieved that my medication is working. I can tolerate so many things again.
For example last night I saw a dream, where was something I was able to recollect - even though I usually forget the dreams from the second my eyes open.

In that dream, I kissed my ex, who had a breath that tasted like death.

It was fine. I feel quite fine about it all now. I mean, that it's soon going to be a full year since we broke up, and since the way things ended and also because I'm feeling a lot stronger again, I can tolerate the thought (or a dream) about the ex. It probably was triggered by the developed film, which had had couple of pictures of her. It's kind of horrible to be reminded about her appearances when I've managed to forget so much. Yet I feel alright. She doesn't deserve to take up any time or space in my mind. Looking at her face just reminds me of how much pain and suffering she caused me, so I don't get sad. I only get angry.

Anyway, I woke up from the dream, remembered her and her breath of death. I then, at one point, took one of my two cats into my lap, and he affectionately tried to swipe his runny nose all over my face, when I smelled the familiar scent of death coming from his mouth. I dare say; mystery solved.


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I'm glad I am feeling as well as I am. Even just over a week ago I was feeling cautious about my health, but now I feel more hopeful again. I'm still unable to think far ahead, make plans or anything like that, but I just do what feels natural and good. If I don't want to do something, I won't do it. Not thinking about the future, possible failures and setbacks, are also partly the reason I am able to stay this good. Ignorance really is a bliss.


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Tomorrow is going to be a very long day, since I am on the move - surprisingly enough. I am traveling to visit a friend. It's my first time in her new hometown. It's a trip long over due. A part of me is glad about this trip, and yet I'm also feeling exhausted just by thinking about it. It's probably going to be good for me. Even though it swallows all my weekend-resting time, I don't get out often, so this is most likely healthy for me... I think.

Song from the System of a Down played by the talented Vika <--



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