Well, true to a point, since I know that people who dress in black, leather and have metal all over their face are usually - almost every time - really nice and polite people. Maybe even shy or antisocial, but still nice and unprejudiced.
But people who dress like everyone else are very talented in hiding the really bitter, hateful, angry people. Or the hateful people want to look like everyone else since they're so hateful that they wouldn't belong to any group of people if they could be spotted.
I too get into the middle of the hateful people's prejudice and rudeness. Just any kind of people can suddenly turn out to be really, really rude and horrible. I would understand it, if I had done something horrible to those people, but I know I haven't, since I'm a kind and polite gentleman - that's something I can admit about myself without feeling too uncomfortable.
And when I meet these salespersons, bus drivers, customer service- people or strangers in the streets, and they are hostile towards me without any reason, it ruins the experience of going out.
Sometimes I actually get the feeling that I should apologize to those rude angry people that I'm paying them and using their services. They are just so rude towards me, that I get this automatic reaction that you get when you accidentally insult someone. You feel the need to apologize to that person, since that's what you usually do. You want to get along and you don't want to cause anyone distress on purpose. It's funny and also stressful to feel like that around hateful people. I haven't done anything to those people, but they treat me like I had insulted them and deserved their attitude. Like I was their number one enemy, and no polite behavior would apply to me. It's like they can barely contain their anger.
I cannot help to think that my appearance has something to do with it, since I am always polite and try to smile. I happen to like black clothing, piercings and military-style - on top of other darker styled clothes I have. Maybe my appearance is something that those people cannot stand. Long hair, beard, piercings, black clothes and military boots are still too much to some people. I don't know what they imagine when they see me. What about me rubs those people in the wrong way. It's a mystery. Only thing I do know is that I don't deserve that kind of hate and rude behavior. No one deserves that.
*
I also have been fascinated by the notion of personal growth. I still feel like I lost something from me, from my personality, few months ago. Perhaps a part of my lingering innocence? Some of the faith towards human beings, naivety? I do not know what is it exactly. I just feel that I'm not myself anymore. And even when I beat this depression, I will never be what I was before.
I had a first appointment with a therapist. She was a nurse, so she wasn't as cold and distant as the doctors I've met. But people who are married or in a relationship cannot understand people who are single or who are lonely. That's one thing I was yet again reminded of when I talked with the therapist. When my dating-history is what it is, and when I'm the kind of person I am, I know the probability of finding love. And my way of thinking has nothing to do with pessimism. I've made my notions on facts and personal experience.
Especially after the realization that I have never had anyone who would have loved me back. So hearing the cliche's from people who are in relationships is insulting. They do not have the same kind of experiences.
If you've been in a relationship for years, haven't been single over a year, never been in a unhappy long lasting relationship you do not know how insulting your advice's are. Even I'm not as arrogant as to give advice's for people in a relationship that has domestic violence. Nor for same-gender relationship. If I don't understand how it is, how can I say anything about it?
Sometimes it feels like people are just reciting things they've read or heard somewhere. If you know any (recently) single friends, you should do two or three things: don't speak to them about how there's other "fishes in the sea" (and all the other horrible cliche's) and just listen to their worries silently, since you have no good advice's to give. And never start to recite any good things about being single and never side with the ex. No matter how objectively you can see things, the broken heart doesn't want to hear it. I'm slowly starting to enjoy things and tolerate myself after intense self-loathing. I don't want anyone telling me, if I overreacted in something or if I could have done something differently or better in the past circumstances. All I ask from my friends and family is to keep their advice's and lend me their time and listening ear when I need it.
"There are things you can't get anywhere… but we dream they can be found in other people."
(Copyrights belongs to yours truly)
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