"The night is still and the frost -- it bites my face -- I wear my silence like a mask and murmur like a ghost -- Trick or Treat, Trick or Treat; The bitter and the sweet"

I wanted to share a thing about me, my gender and gender stereotypes in general. Short rant I wanted to write. It's a complicated subject, but I don't want to get too deep into it. It's not the reason why I wrote about it.

This is something that came to mind since I've been sharing things here like decorating for Halloween, listening old vintage songs and mooning over old books and the Moon and what not.

I've had a difficult life - well, who hasn't. Because of my past and the things I've learned, and because I've spent most of my life being alone by myself, I've learnt to be freely myself and express myself as I wish without being constrained with assumptions of stereotypical male-behavior. Maybe not in every occasion but most of the time I can be myself. I try to keep my appearances as neutral as possible with strangers, but I really don't like to pretend to be more masculine than what I really am. And by that I have to point out that I am talking about personalities here, although I know that some men have problems with physical appearances. Especially the goth men, who like male-skirts and eyeliner and all that.

The society seems to be more tolerant to let women be whatever they want and express their personality as they wish, so women can act feminine and/or masculine and they can have hobbies with all kind of things mixed together without causing public judgement and criticizing. Women can knit and go boxing without anyone even blinking their eye.
But men don't usually get that kind of tolerance to be whatever they want and do whatever they want. Usually men who act too feminine can get ridiculed - most likely by insecure weak-willed men, but sometimes even by women, which I found surprising. A gender that has been fighting to get the same rights as men can have double standards. But since it all depends on the person, I won't get into that subject. Many men have confronted that kind of women, but you're going to remember the negative experiences more likely than the positive ones.

Who would want to get badmouthed by strangers for things that don't really deserve of getting any kind of ridicule. Some might say that you shouldn't care about what other people say. But it's hard not to care, because you're not doing anything wrong but you get hated for doing what you like and just being yourself. And being hated is hard. No one should live their lives while being hated. I really don't know if being hated would make you handle it better with time. I rather keep my personal quirks to myself and to people who know me, and might even like those quirks. Then I don't have to deal with hatred and endless arguments.

Being hated for who you are goes for most of the artists, non-heterosexuals (or nonsexual's since to some sex measures the amount of masculinity), geeks, nerds, and pretty much most of the men who are passionate about something that isn't publicly accepted as a proper thing for men to do and like. It's the modern way, though. I don't personally know any guys who wouldn't have some hobbies or interests that wouldn't be considered unmanly, but I have only different kind of artists and nerds as my friends, so I can't say I would know how my reality differs from others. I know most of those guys don't care about what people think, but still I doubt they would go telling strangers about the dvd of "My neighbor Totoro" in their bookshelf. And that's the whole point of my rant.

I never apologize about who I am, and I think that's something everyone should learn to do. I don't know if you can learn to deal with being hated, but I think at least you should let yourself become what you are, what feels good and natural for you. You can't live in a constant role. I cannot even imagine what that kind of a life does to a person.

I felt like I needed to explain that I'm not a stereotypical guy, and there's not going to be any stereotypical manly-subjects here. And I will not apologize for myself.

*

He trembles in the bitter wind

Until it's time for us to speak

Whilst others here are sleeping sound

I'll slip away by floorboard creak

Upon the hill he'll hear my secrets

Shock the colours to bleach inside

Whilst others there are sleeping sound

Just we two will confide

Listen to his body moan

Make a wish and send us home

To spin the gold and silver stitches

We can turn his rags to riches

With frosty jack on fingernail

Thro' shoe black smile he'll tell-a-tale

Come whisper thro' your lips of straw

A moment torn forevermore

Listen to his body groan

Make a wish to send us home

To spin the gold and silver stitches

We can turn his rags to riches

My so-called friends say you're not alive

I'll bake their bones for telling lies

Then pull the pastry from the pie

And pour the gravy in their eye

Listen to his body moan

Make a wish and send us home

To spin the gold and silver stitches

We can turn his rags to riches

*

Wish I had some pictures of my own to show you, but I will leave that to this amazing Halloween-blog. All those pumpkin-oranges, sickly violets and foxfire-greens look just great.

Just click this image to check that blog out:

Following these updates gets me into the Halloween spooky-mood.