A thought came to mind about the "goodness" of a person. The goodness is relative. Every good person you know can be the most cruelest to some other.
And I don't mean unintended cruelness, but the kind that you are aware to be hurtful. Even when you pretend that you didn't know what your actions and words do to someone, the pain they cause, you are hurting others intentionally. No kind of excuses will change that. It is as it is.
Soon it will be exactly one year since my first supposedly-meaningful relationship ended. And the face of my ex is a face of a stranger now. The truth is that I do not nor did not know her. I thought I did, but if the person you once cared for turns out to be one of those cruel people, and act so vicious towards you, you have to confront the fact, that you did not know that person. The person you cared for would have never been like that.
And yet the cruel people can be kind to others of course, like their friends and family-members - at least to some of them. But why aren't they kind to everyone? Why do they do intentionally cruel things to some of the people in their life; the people who haven't been cruel towards them in return, but only kind. These are the kind of questions I will never get answers to.
At one therapy-session my therapist asked if there was some unsolved things, some questions I had for my ex, and I don't think there is anything. I can't understand why she did what she did and the way she did it, and I never will understand it. And even if I would want to solve something, I could never believe a word she says. So forgetting the cruelness continues. Hopefully one day the whole year will be like a long past nightmare. It seems already quite surreal.
But luckily it's almost a year gone by, and my life is quite nice. I could even consider myself to be happy; able to enjoy all kinds of things again. And I still do not desire anything romantic in my life. I doubt I never will. I like living by myself, doing whatever I want whenever I want. I like that I don't have to make compromises nor think about anyone else besides me. I can spent my money on the things I want.
So if anyone - who feels that they are alone - reads this, don't fight your own solitary existence. You can find so much happiness from your life without romance. I feel that romantic love is way over-rated. Even singles who are sexually active can fulfill those needs without getting into a relationship. See it as a challenge; how to find meaningful reasons for your existence without fulfilling the basic primal needs of surrounding yourself with a mate and a litter of your own making. Some people fulfill that basic need without any parental bone in their body - not to mention any other lack of empathy or skills to maintain healthy relationship. So even if you would have the gift for all that, you should enjoy your time as a single as long as it continues on. What kind of ambitions do you have? Any dreams for your near-by or distant future?
Some people are into making bucket-lists, so if you enjoy making lists, that's probably one way to figure out what the life could offer you - personally. When you get together with someone your solitary dreams will most likely develop into shared dreams.
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And the horror game from Bethesda, that I am waiting for anxiously:
Developed by Shinji Mikami and the talented team at Tango Gameworks, The Evil Within embodies the meaning of pure survival horror.
Detective Sebastien Castellanos and his partners are called in to investigate a gruesome mass murder. After witnessing a mysterious force slaughter his fellow officers, Sebastian is ambushed and knocked unconscious. When the video opens, he finds his world has been turned upside down. Facing unimaginable terror and fighting for survival in a world where hideous creatures wander among the dead, Sebastian embarks on a frightening journey to unravel who or what is behind this unimaginable evil.
The Evil Within is in development for the Xbox One, Xbox 360, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, and PC and is slated for release in 2014. For more details on The Evil Within visit: TheEvilWithin.com.
Provisionally Rated PEGI 18. So don't blame me if you get nightmares from that video.
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